“AD: Turn Your Democracy into an Autocracy with This One Weird Trick!”
Thanks for taking time away from your Wordle clone to unintentionally tap on this chumbox post. Now to spew dark money-funded propaganda at you while your phone takes entirely too long to unfreeze. Democracy. How much would you give to be done with it and play your New York Times game knockoff without the pressure of reading anything the Times reports on? Well, thanks to this one strange practice “they” don’t want you to know about, you can do your part to suspend freedom of the press, the Constitution as a whole, and hand the reins of power to the robber baron establishment permanently! Are you ready? Here it is…
Nothing. Seriously, do nothing! That’s all there is to it!
Don’t find ways you can help with nonviolent civil resistance efforts and push back against despotism. Even if it is something as minor as recurring small-dollar donations, attending protests, or calling your members of Congress. You’re just one person. It’s not as if you have the agency to halt our descent into a fascist theocracy, despite the fact that it’s happened numerous times throughout history, often without a shot fired or a drop of blood shed. All it takes is one spark to start a fire, but forget everything you know about simple cause and effect.
Don’t pay attention to current events. Don’t go out of your way to learn how global affairs affect you or the people and things you care about. Don’t seek out independent media from sources that aren’t overseen by sycophantic network executives who cower at the name of Donald Trump. Don’t watch or read firsthand accounts from people who have witnessed or experienced brazen, patently illegal acts of violence and unwarranted force by I.C.E., the Border Patrol, and other entities working as makeshift gestapos.
Instead, seek outlets that place emphasis on self-soothing, and essential numbness. Makeup tutorials! Unlikely animal friends! Selectively edited videos and news segments designed to mislead the unwashed masses into thinking they aren’t being gamed by a system that would give George Orwell pause. Who has the time to actually read 1984? Not when distractions on par with Brave New World are just a click away! What’s plutocracy? What’s the climate crisis? Who knows? More to the point, who cares?!
Get to work on any number of time-wasting activities when you’re not working long hours at your underpaying job, beholden to your company health insurance. Rely on cursory Google searches steering you towards questionable A.I.-produced results. Take the statements of our brave and faultless Secretary of War Pete Hegseth at face value. What reason do you have not to? None if you’re implementing this one weird trick! Just ignore your fundamental rights and they’ll go away. We’re doing our part. Won’t you help by doing nothing that qualifies as working against it?
Your lack of effort is seen and appreciated, and we couldn’t be more pleased with your lack of progress. Keep up the good work and pay no attention to matters of voter suppression and unwarranted, self-defeating military strikes abroad. War is peace. Freedom is slavery. Ignorance is strength, and have you seen this TikTok?!