Waiting for the Great Pumpkin, by Samuel Beckett
WAITING FOR THE GREAT PUMPKIN, BY SAMUEL BECKETT
A pumpkin patch in a suburban backyard. A red dog house.
Evening. Halloween.
LINUS faces out. Enter SALLY, dressed as a ghost in a WHITE SHEET. She removes it.
SALLY
Nothing to be done.
LINUS
I'm beginning to come 'round to that opinion. GOOD GRIEF! One slip like that will make the Great Pumpkin pass you by! OH, GREAT PUMPKIN, WHERE ARE YOU?!
SALLY
Do you really think he'll come?
LINUS
Tonight The Great Pumpkin rises out of the pumpkin patch. He flies through the air and brings toys to all the children of the world!
SALLY
That's a good story!
Sally exits. A beat. The sound of cartoonish, scampering footsteps is heard. Sally rushes back in and screeches to a halt.
LINUS
It's good to see you back. I thought you were gone forever.
Enter LUCY and CHARLIE BROWN. Lucy wears a white sheet and a witch mask with a matching hat. Charlie Brown wears a white sheet adorned with multiple holes. Lucy drives Charlie Brown by means of a rope passed 'round his neck. Charlie Brown carries a FOOTBALL and a SACK OF ROCKS. Lucy, a WHIP.
LUCY
ON, PIG! ON! (a crack of the whip) BACK!
They stop and remove their costumes. Lucy takes the football from Charlie Brown and places it on the ground. Charlie Brown gets a running start, and attempts to kick the football. Lucy pulls it away at the last second.
CHARLIE BROWN
AUUGH!
Charlie Brown flies through the air and lands flat on his back.
LUCY
(to Linus and Sally)
I present myself: Lucy Van Pelt!
LINUS
Have you come to sing pumpkin carols?
LUCY
I've come to keep you from making your yearly fool of yourself!
LINUS
Blasphemer! The Great Pumpkin knows which kids have been good, and which kids have been bad! You'll be sorry!
Charlie Brown stands.
CHARLIE BROWN
Vermin! You must be crazy! When are you going to stop believing in something that isn't true?
LINUS
When you stop engaging my sister in the Sisyphean practice of attempting to kick that football!
CHARLIE BROWN
She had a signed document!
LUCY
Peculiar thing about that document: It was never notarized!
CHARLIE BROWN
Good grief. I shall go. (he reaches into the sack and takes out a ROCK) And I got a rock...
Charlie Brown starts to exit, staring down at the ground. Lucy replaces the rope around his neck and yanks him back.
LUCY
(to Linus and Sally)
What blockheads! Sitting in a pumpkin patch in the middle of the night! What a way to spend Halloween! (to Charlie Brown) ON! (crack of the whip) ON! ADIEU! PIG! ADIEU!
They exit. Long pause.
SALLY
All right, where is he?!
LINUS
He'll be here. Just look! Nothing but sincerity as far as the eye can see!
A rustling noise is heard.
LINUS
WHAT'S THAT?! We're saved! I hear The Great Pumpkin!
The rustling becomes louder, closer. Linus grabs Sally and gestures wildly in its direction.
LINUS
THERE HE IS! THERE HE IS!! IT'S THE GREAT PUMPKIN! HE'S RISING UP OUT OF THE PUMPKIN PATCH!!
Linus faints. The rustling ends. SNOOPY enters, carrying a SWAGGER STICK. He wears an aviator's cap and goggles with a red scarf.
SNOOPY (V.O.)
(thinking aloud)
I have a message from The Great Pumpkin. He told me to tell you he won't come this Halloween, but surely will next year. Now, if you'll excuse me, I am in pursuit of my eternal nemesis, the Red Baron.
Snoopy climbs to the top of the dog house. It lifts off the ground in the manner of a World War I biplane. Snoopy flies out of sight, shooting at imaginary aircraft as he goes. Linus awakens.
LINUS
What happened? Have we found salvation? Did he leave us any toys?
SALLY
I WAS ROBBED! I spent all night waiting for The Great Pumpkin, and all I got was a telepathic Beagle! Halloween is over, and I missed it! You blockhead!
Linus stands.
LINUS
Well, then! What do you propose we do about it? I sometimes wonder if we wouldn't have been better off alone, each one for themself!
They cross to opposite sides of the pumpkin patch and turn away from one another.
SALLY
Well, shall we go?
LINUS
Yes, let's go.
A long pause. They do not move.
BOTH
Good grief...
CURTAIN.