“Are You Suffering from Trump Derangement Syndrome? Know the Signs”

Its definition is ambiguous, its origin is indeterminable, and its symptoms are so broad, they seem downright subjective. If President Trump is to be believed, you might have it simply by harboring a shred of doubt about him, his policies, or his worth as a human being!

If you think you may have acquired Trump Derangement Syndrome, look for these signs:

·       You’ve developed a keener interest in following current events.

·       You’ve taken the time to parse these issues carefully, even for a few minutes each day; carefully considering how they affect you, and people and issues they care about.

·       You’re harboring even the tiniest bit of frustration regarding the surge in the cost of living we’ve experienced since Trump took office.

·       You have eyes, ears, and a functioning brain, which allows you to draw a straight line between Trump’s policies, and how they are adversely affecting the aforementioned things addressed before.

·       You know what the acronyms “T.A.C.O.” and “N.A.C.H.O.” refer to.

·       You’ve perused the menu of your local Mexican restaurant and come up food-themed acronyms of your own in relation to the Trump Administration.

·       You no longer enjoy Mexican food through no fault of your own, the people, the country, or said restaurant.

·       A general feeling of existential dread, punctuated by periodic surges of outrage.

·       You’re laughing more at the absurdity of our current state of affairs.

·       Periods of laughter are punctuated by intermittent crying jags.

·       The game of Risk no longer appeals to you. Specifically, you have no desire at all to invade the game’s equivalents of Cuba, Venezuela, and Iran.

·       You’ve set aside your normal oeuvre of James Patterson novels and Joe Rogan and switched over to The Utne Reader and Democracy Now!

·       You’ve attended a No Kings protest and didn’t feel uncomfortable or out of place.

·       You’ve revisited the catalog of Rage Against the Machine, paying more attention to the lyrics, rather than simply marveling at the guitar wizardry of Tom Morello.

·       You looked at the interior artwork for their second album, Evil Empire, and took it upon yourself to actually read some of those books.

·       You’ve read A People’s History of the United States.

·       You’ve set up recurring monthly small-dollar donations to Act Blue, the ACLU, and Planned Parenthood.

·       You never took the time to think about this before, but the White House was a pretty beautiful structure.

·       You realize the last time it was demolished like this was when the British burned it to the ground during the War of 1812. Doesn’t demolishing it now constitute the act of an enemy combatant?

·       You’ve taken the time to follow the activities of your elected officials, and even called them once or twice to voice your dismay over their lack of assertion.

·       You’ve threatened them with a primary challenge.

·       You’ve encouraged others to do the same.

·       You decided to run for office, directly issuing a primary challenge, when no one else took you up on this.

·       You won the primary, all but guaranteeing you will acquire a seat in your corresponding hall of government.

·       You’ve realized that you are now the resistance that was so sorely lacking prior to the manifestation of your symptoms.

·       You’re seeking professional help by holding your newly acquired Congressional colleagues to task.

·       You’ve earned the distinction of being referred to by your initials, a la A.O.C., R.B.G, etc.

·       President Trump has personally diagnosed you with Trump Derangement Syndrome in a public setting.