“Mom? Dad? I Think I’m a Domestic Terrorist”
Mom, dad, can you sit with me for a minute? I need to discuss something with you. It’ll probably be surprising, and maybe a little shocking too. It’s taken me a while to build up the nerve to do this and…sorry. I’m not handling it as well as I could be. I’m really nervous. There’s no easy way to do this, and prolonging it is just going to make things worse. So, here we go: I’m a domestic terrorist.
I know this is confusing. I’m still coming to terms with it myself. I’ll do my best to explain.
You see, over the past year or so, I’ve been veering outside my comfort zone, literally and figuratively. I’ve become acquainted with communities and cultures that are entirely new to me. I’m going to live author readings, World Music performances and dance recitals, and sampling obscure arthouse cinema from Europe, Asia, and elsewhere. It’s exhilarating, but it also feels like I’m committing a cardinal sin.
Every time I read the news, the definition of domestic terrorism becomes broader and broader. It’s to the point where the simple act of reading a book by an LGBTQIAP+ author, or listening to a comedian perform a routine that mocks the current presidential administration feels like a capital offense.
Every time I walk down the street, passing uniformed D.H.S. officers dispersed to quell non-existent social unrest, I feel eyes upon me. My façade crumbles. It’s like they know I have gay and transgender friends. They know I own an as-yet unread copy of A People’s History of the United States! They might even know that last week I voluntarily listened to Chappell Roan’s “Pink Pony Club” on Spotify and liked it! It’s tearing me up! I can’t keep living a lie, and I couldn’t stand not opening up to you about it for another day.
I’d like to clarify that I still identify as heterosexual and cisgender. I haven’t broken the law, and I haven’t put myself, or anyone else in peril. Yes, I have attended numerous protests, but they’ve all been peaceful. I haven’t been arrested once! Sure, my attendance at a No King’s Rally drew the ire of the president, who responded by posting an A.I.-generated video of himself dropping sewage on all of us. In my defense, I think that’s more of a reflection on him.
For the good of the family, and everyone else, I am turning myself in to the proper authorities. I have no plans to commit unspeakable acts of evil in the name of some twisted cause, but that hardly matters, given the unwarranted arrests and detention of suspected belligerents happening on a daily basis. Fascism is essentially here already, so why delay the inevitable? Pushing back against it probably makes more sense, but I want to show a little flexibility.
I wanted you to hear this from me instead of a selectively edited segment on Fox News or Breitbart. This entire fiasco only exists because of the twisted machinations of a few dozen men at the top spewing baseless lies. Please don’t comment publicly on the matter until you hear from my representatives at the ACLU.
Well, I’m off. Thanks for listening, and please know that no matter what happens, I love you both unconditionally. It’s fully reciprocated, right? Right…?