“Guardian of the Strait, Starring U.S. President Donald J. Trump!”
“President Trump said Monday that the U.S. will take on the role of “the guardian” of the Strait of Hormuz as Washington and Tehran both claim control of the waterway after exchanging strikes over the weekend…’We’ll become the guardian of the strait. Maybe we’ll become the guardian angel of the strait, and we should be reimbursed for that,’ he said.” – Manchester, Julia, July 13th, 2026, “Trump: U.S. to become ‘the guardian’ of the Strait of Hormuz” – The Hill
In a world of rampant inflation, abuse of power, and contempt for Congress and the rule of law, only one man has the hubris and lack of foresight to do nothing no president before him has ever seriously considered. A man whose fixation on the mediums of film and television are outmatched only by his fixation on celebrity, public adulation, and his own sense of self-worth.
Walt Disney Productions presents, in association with a mandated condition of ABC’s out of court settlement with the Trump Administration, a new entry in the Marvel Cinematic Universe.
President Donald J. Trump is…President Donald J. Trump! In…Guardian of the Strait!
Witness as a man who campaigned on the promise of not entering any more forever wars in the Middle East enters into a forever war in the Middle East following a feeble attempt at diplomacy. Watch as the same dipshit who unseated the President of Venezuela in the dead of night tries to do so again in Iran, jumping to the false conclusion that doing so would be every bit as easy, despite ample evidence and historical precedent to the contrary.
See the myopic approach to foreign policy! The employment of might makes right that has proven to be self-defeating time and again since the dawn of humanity! Retrospectively see the slippery slope that brought us to this point when the president withdrew the U.S. from the Joint Comprehensive Plan of Action during his first term in 2018, effectively dissolving it!
Slap your forehead in disbelief as the Prime Minister of Israel suckers our chief executive into aerial assault by announcing an unapproved strike on Iranian soil using weapons readily supplied to him by the U.S. military!
Watch as a man with zero regard for checks and balances, and basic decency and common sense leaves his mark upon history in violent, scorched earth fashion. He’s remaking the world in his own image by building tributes to himself, and committing crimes against humanity as a lark. Is it any surprise things are so ugly?
Co-starring White House Deputy Chief of Staff for Policy and Homeland Security Stephen Miller! Secretary of State, head of USAID and NARA, and de-factor President of Venezuela, Marco Rubio! And Secretary of Defense War/forty-six-year-old manchild with a G.I. Joe fixation, Pete Hegseth!
Based on a script by former National Security Advisor John Bolton, and the late Senator from South Carolina Lindsey Graham! With special appearances from, and plutocratic capitulation to, Elon Musk, Mark Zuckerberg, Peter Thiel, and the cryptocurrency industry!
Come for the shock value and disbelief. Stay for the skyrocketing cost of crude oil, the disruption to the global supply chain, and the subsequent impact on your daily commute and overall cost of living. Bear witness as the man who calls affordability a Democratic hoax, and openly claims not to care about the midterm elections does everything he can to bolster his net worth in a prolonged smash and grab operation ahead of any degree of accountability, and a probable third impeachment!
Guardian of the Strait! Coming soon (now, actually), and probably outlasting Trump’s term of office by several years at this point in an ongoing war of contrition that could very well surpass both Vietnam and Iraq in both time and human cost.
WE. ARE. FUCKED! Enjoy those cheap eggs.