“Nice Place to Visit, But I Wouldn’t Want to Live There Due to My Deep-Seated Personal Prejudices”
There’s a big, beautiful world out there and we should all expand our horizons. Go places, see things, meet people! Immerse yourself in unfamiliar cultures and the possibilities for personal growth are practically unlimited. I could do that, or I could continue to occupy the comfortable rut I’ve dug for myself over the past forty-some odd years and pass judgment on those places from my narrow, bigoted little entrenchment. I’m logged into X, so let’s begin!
1. New York City: Ah, yes, that unpatriotic sanctuary city for illegal aliens (notice the antiquated phrasing), junkies, and all manner of LGBTQ+ degenerates. Why risk potential enlightenment by going to the theatre or a museum? I certainly won’t go to Ellis Island, a historical gateway to a land of freedom and opportunity that some of my own relatives might have passed through. It’s not as if I, as a white person, owe my presence in the United States to immigration in one form or another!
2. Berlin: Most, if not all the people responsible for the atrocities of World War II are long-dead, but can’t I hold their ancestors in contempt? Despite the efforts of the German government to atone for the better part of a century? I’d like to think so! It’s not as if my alt-right sympathies and support of aspiring fascists here at home make this hypocritical as well as stupid, but it does make me feel better about myself. Don’t think I like Jews or anything, either. Speaking of which…
3. Israel: Need I say more? Well, I’m going to anyway. If my obvious antisemitism wasn’t enough of an indication, the travesties carried out by the Israeli government during the Gaza conflict should be evidence of why I’d never set foot here. Granted, I hate Muslims just as much, if not more than Jews, and really couldn’t care less about that ongoing tragedy in any way. But the only thing I like more than spewing bile at undeserving targets is insincere virtue signaling. It owns everybody!
4. Paris: I’m still pissed over their opposition to the 2003 invasion of Iraq, even though I lost three close friends from high school in that very event, which began under false pretenses and outright lies. I’m still going out of my way to order “Freedom Fries” and “Freedom Toast” during my lonely, unaccompanied meals at the local diner! Why would I visit a country founded in an act of bloody insurrection?! My presence at the Capitol on January 6th notwithstanding, that’s just the way I feel.
5. Florida: My support for a president who resides here by way of New York City (see above), is unwavering. Still, it’s fun to revel in the many jokes directed at this state. I was born in Florida and live there to this very day, but my inner self-hatred and outward projection of it should be self-evident by now. Besides, how is it possible to visit a place you already occupy? Sure, I could go to a theme park in Orlando, or enjoy the vibrant night life of Miami, but endlessly typing “Florida Man” variations into Google is so much more satisfying.
The options are many, and the choice is mine. But instead of pulling my head out of my ass and venturing outside the confines of my undersized railroad apartment, I’ll sate myself with factually inaccurate swill from Breitbart, OAN, and Truth Social. I look forward to sharing my hot takes on it with all of you. Thanks for reading and happy “travelling” to me!