“Some Baseless Conspiracy Theories About Mitch McConnell I Refuse to Believe”
He didn’t weaponize the filibuster.
He didn’t weaponize the debt ceiling.
He didn’t exploit his position as a public servant for the sake of acquiring power, wealth, and celebrity status.
His attempts at destroying the Affordable Care Act weren’t in any way hypocritical or cruel. Especially considering his status as a childhood survivor of polio.
He didn’t cave to pressure from the MAGA base within and without Congress to acquit Donald Trump in the aftermath of the January 6th Insurrection.
His acquittal vote in Trump’s second impeachment did not in any way influence a majority of Senate Republicans to do the same.
That his actions did not in any way enable Donald Trump to run for president again in 2024.
That his actions did not in any way keep Trump out of prison.
That his actions did not in any way enable Trump to win the presidency again in 2024.
He didn’t vow to obstruct Joe Biden at any given opportunity, and do little else, after the former won election in 2020.
He didn’t knowingly misrepresent the Green New Deal on the floor of the Senate in an attempt to discredit it.
That those actions were not in any way motivated by the Republican Party’s glorified sponsorship by the fossil fuel industry.
That these actions were those of someone who truly cares about fiscal responsibility, despite supporting tax breaks for the ultra-wealthy, ballooning the national debt, and the deficit in the process.
He didn’t take his self-declared title of the “Grim Reaper” of progressive legislation extraordinarily seriously, and wielded it as a cudgel.
He didn’t enable sweetheart deals in full view of the public when his wife was the Secretary of Labor. Under Donald Trump.
He didn’t crush firearm control legislation while taking campaign donations from the NRA, and capitulating to the gun lobby.
He didn’t pose for this picture.
His attempt to silence Senator Elizabeth Warren didn’t backfire in karmic, borderline comedic fashion.
He held an open seat on the Supreme Court for nearly a year because he wanted the next Justice to reflect the will of the people in the 2016 Presidential Election.
He didn’t openly declare he would fill a vacant seat on the Supreme Court if one became available prior to the 2020 Presidential Election.
He didn’t fast-track the confirmation of Amy Coney Barrett to the Supreme Court when a seat was vacated prior to the 2020 Presidential Election, and Joe Biden’s 2021 Inauguration.
He didn’t stack the lower courts with conservative white males to safeguard regressive, unpopular legislation that further enshrined the power of other conservative white males.
He didn’t repeatedly vote against paid sick leave, and has essentially been on it since June 2026.
His legacy won’t be defined exclusively by obstruction, cronyism, and hypocrisy.
He’s still alive.
He was ever alive.
He legally qualifies as a human being.
He’s ever known the love of another person.
He’s ever been laid.
He was ever fit for public service.
He ever had the good of his constituents as his underlying motive in anything he did.
He is not the Pale Man from Pan’s Labyrinth.
Or a coward.
Or a liar.
Or a partisan shill.
Or an irremovable stain on the fabric of American history.
Or a turtle.