“Some Other Things That I, Saint Taylor Swift, Bestow My Blessings Upon!”
Greetings, humanity. It’s your girl, Saint Taylor Swift! Peace to all of you, but especially those who were as enraptured as I was by the New York Knicks’ historic victory in game four of the NBA Finals! It was my pleasure to not only grace them with my presence, but also to help them overcome the Curse of the Donald on their way to the greatest comeback in NBA Finals history. You’re welcome!
In the interest of striking while the iron is hot, here are some other things I’ll bestow my blessings on today.
The World Cup
It’s only fair to acknowledge that as lit as they are this year, the NBA Finals are sure to be eclipsed by this, the single most popular and widely-watched sports event in the world. May the best team win, but particularly the one I decide to grant the slightest advantage to by giving them a much-coveted place in my heart, and the divine grace that accompanies it. The international leg of the Eras Tour gave me lots of personal faves to choose from. Brazil would be the obvious choice, not only because of their record five World Cup victories, but also for projecting a welcome image to me on the statue of Christ the Redeemer during my visit! I’m not saying flattery will get you everything you want, but it certainly doesn’t hurt.
The 2026 U.S. Midterm Elections
I did the best I could in the 2024 U.S. Presidential Election, but not even my endorsement of Kamala Harris could compensate for the utter chaos taking place within the Democratic Party at the single worst time I can think of. What can I say? I work in mysterious ways, and I help those who help themselves. This time around, it looks as if the Democrats not only have their act together, but they’re also competing against a GOP that is in its own state of disarray. The erratic behavior and rampant egomania of our chief executive isn’t helping matters. Need I remind any of you of our tumultuous history?Karma isn’t just my boyfriend (easy, Travis!). He’s also a bitch! Eat it, Donald.
Madison Square Garden
I mean, obvs! I’m in the market for wedding venues. In case you’ve been living under a rock for the last thirty-six hours, MSG is reportedly at the top of my list! Nothing has been finalized yet, and I’m torn between this and something outside New York City. Still, I’m not so sure I want to burden the one to two thousand anticipated attendees with a destination wedding. All things considered, it’s probably best to keep it local and down to Earth at one of the most famed arenas in the world that has a twenty-thousand-person maximum seating capacity. There are bound to be some seats left over, but hey, more room for the wedding gifts! Not that canonized saints such as myself have any need for material items, but it’s the thought (and the tribute) that counts!
There you have it. If there’s anything I’m overlooking, feel free to send those prayers my way and I’ll do my best to answer them swiftly! (See what I did there?) Keep the good vibes going. Keep the friendship bracelets circulating. And, of course, go Knicks!