yawns
Sorry. That was louder than I intended. Don’t worry, I’m fully committed to this meeting. I’m well aware of the tight timeline we have when it comes to the deliverables on this...thingamabob. Concentration is hard right now. For that matter, so is keeping this bizarre smile off my face. I was up all night feeling something I haven’t felt since roughly 2012, or even 2008. According to Google, the symptoms are consistent with a rare condition called “hope.” Should I be worried about this?
It came on very suddenly! When I woke up yesterday, I was shaking off my usual Ambien-induced stupor. I proceeded to the bathroom where I spent my standard ten to fifteen minutes of doomscrolling on the toilet. I couldn’t escape info about something called “the midterm elections” on all my socials. Is anyone familiar? I’ve spent months getting text messages, emails, and even calls from actual human beings about it. A lot of them went so far as to call the 2026 midterms the most consequential election of our lifetimes. Those are some pretty high stakes!
Like the responsible adult I am, I pressed on. But the messages just kept coming. It got to the point where I actually put some stock into what they were saying. So much so, that once I was off work last evening, I went to some dive called “my local polling place,” and cast what they referred to as “my vote.” Weird, right? I mean, what is that? Some basic, democratic human right that previous generations have fought and died for? There was even a whole non-violent, grassroots social movement devoted to this from the 1950s through the seventies all across the country. It’s kind of a big deal!
So, yeah. I voted. Then I went home. I spent a few minutes going over the materials for this meeting, but I just couldn’t focus. I know, I said I’m fully committed, but sometimes life just gets in the way. I went back online and saw that early results showed signs of what they called a “blue tsunami.” I had never heard of it, either. Something related to the efforts of one party trying to rein in the unchecked power of a failed real estate mogul and one-time reality TV host seeking to acquire and wield powers on par with those of Mao Zedong and even Adolf Hitler!
The people overseeing the results of this urged caution. Apparently “blue mirages” are also a thing. But the wins kept coming. By the time I decided to call it a night, deep “red” territories that had been that way for nearly a century had turned “blue,” or at least “purple.” I was glued to my phone at that point and couldn’t put it down. That’s exactly what they tell you not to do when you’re battling insomnia, but I couldn’t help myself. By the time the sun came up, instead of feeling like death warmed over (like I have practically every morning since roughly 2016) I felt energized. I felt…lighter. I took to my phone yet again, and like I said, all the symptoms were consistent with conditions like “hope,” “optimism,” “relief” and “enjoyment of life.”
Anyway, I thought you deserved an explanation. Let’s get back to it! Oh. I see now. You’ve all been yawning endlessly in this meeting too, and glued to your own phones. Hope loves company, I guess! Hang on, I’ll be with you in a second.
Wow! Some place called “Mississippi” is in play too? I’ve learned so much in the past twenty-four hours!