“We Will Not Be Attacking Eastasia Prior to the Midterm Elections!”
“Donald Trump has promised not to attack Iran before November’s US midterm elections…’We will not be attacking Iran at any time prior to the Midterm Elections to be held in the United States on November 3rd,’ Trump wrote. ‘IRAN WILL NOT HAVE A NUCLEAR WEAPON!’ – Gedeon, Joseph, October 8th, 2026, “Trump promises not to attack Iran before November’s US midterms” The Guardian
My fellow Oceanians, this is Big Brother. As you well know, I’m the biggest brother! Like none you’ve ever seen before. BY A LOT! I’m the greatest Big Brother in the history of Oceania, and I ALWAYS HAVE BEEN! By that same metric, I shouldn’t need to tell you that we are at war with Eastasia. We have always been at war with Eastasia. The past is inalterable, and change is unhandleable. However, I am here to tell you now, in an unprecedented breach of precedent, that we will be ceasing further hostilities with Eastasia until after the upcoming midterm elections.
What are “midterm elections,” you may be wondering? Those are words none of you have ever heard before. Thanks to the hardworking men and women at the Ministry of Truth, words like “freedom,” “democracy,” and “2020 Presidential Election” have been forever expunged from the English language. In their place, all the best words like “TARIFFS,” “SUPER INTELLIGENCE,” and “TACO BOWL” have risen to a level of prominence like no other time in the history of Eastasia.
But, yeah. “Elections.” What are they, you ask? Well, once upon a time, a group of corrupt “DUMBOCRATS,” driven by their radical socialist ideology, would take it upon themselves every two years or so to stand up against me, the biggest of Brothers, in a feeble attempt to undermine my agenda. These acts of insurrection were commonly known as “midterm elections.” And thanks to the Dumbocrats’ allies in the Fake News Media, adhering to the pathetic excuse of “constitutional rights,” they actually got the chance to do this twice! VERY UNFAIR!
Now the Dumbocrats are threatening to hold me, Big Brother, in contempt if they retake control of the failing Congress. What did I even do? Nothing more than cleaning up the mess my predecessor, Sleepy Brother left behind! I take NO responsibility at all for the mistakes that were made during my time out of office (even though I have ALWAYS been in office), and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let these enemies of the people take any of my historic achievements away from me. These monuments to my legacy will live on to the end of time; not that I’m ever going to die, of course!
With that being said, I will entertain a cease in hostilities with Eurasia, our sworn enemy, until such time that the Dumbocrats and their horrible power grabs can be done away with permanently. I will also be taking this opportunity to travel to the regions where my comrades and constituents in arms are bravely fighting the ongoing battles against WOKENESS, TRANSGENDER ATHLETES, and WIND TURBINES adjacent to my GOLF COURSES. This weekend, I plan to travel to the sovereign nation of Texas to endorse none other than comrade Ken Paxton. He’s a fighter, and a willing target for my childish, self-defeating ad hominem. Is he here? I want him to get used to this routine before I say it to his face.
Rest assured, my people, that after the Dumbocrat uprising is quelled, we will resume our campaign against Eastasia. You can rest easy knowing that I AM IN COMMAND. I AM YOUR VOICE. I ALONE CAN FIX IT! Much like I fixed the floor of the Big Brother Monument Reflecting Pool. DOWN WITH THE DUMBOCRATS.
WAR IS PEACE.
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY.
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH
THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER
-YOUR BIG, BEAUTIFUL BROTHER